I Had Died For You

"Oh my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! would God I had died for thee, oh Absalom, my son, my son." (2Sam.18:33)

Don't we all wish that our parents would lament or deaths like that? I'm writing those on my phone, so I'll be brief. Yes, or Parent did lament our deaths like that, exactly. And that is exactly what God did. The great Jehovah died for us, even the rebellious, whoredom selves, because He loved us like David loved his son, only more. Do we need to ask anymore why God loved David, why he was called a man after God's own heart? Do we need to ask?

And if this is where God and David meet, where their hearts beat together, then do we need to question whether the God of the Old Testament is the same God of the New Testament? If He is, and always has been, Love, as Paul said? If He loves us, His children? Do we need to ask?

Yes, we do. Jehovah has engraven us on His palms, He has not forgotten. But until we know Him until He is engraven on our countenances, we need to keep asking, our knees bleeding from the effort, until we stop forgetting.

Absalom, Absalom

"For we must needs die, and are as water spilt on the ground, which cannot be gathered up again; neither doth God respect any person: yet doth he devise means, that his banished be not expelled from him"(2Sam.14:14)

Honestly, I was about to ignore the rest of 2Sam., with the stories of Tamar and Absalom. I mean, it is a very interesting history of kingship and heirs corruptible, of sisters and brothers violently betrayed, of fathers and sons and love. But, it had little to do with my purposes, namely God. Then I read the above verse, and it all changed. For how can there be something that God does not touch in some way?

Whether physically, spiritually, or emotionally, we have all be scattered. And no, nothing from man can gather us again, which is why we covenant with God. Covenants mean that we will always have a home, a place, a people and a god. I love this verse. To God, every man is equal, and He does not favor one over the other. And yet, even those that He has scattered, has banished, He still provides a way for their return. He loves even the sinners, even the rebellious. That is mercy, and that is love.

And the woman is right. If God can love and forgive the banished, cannot David see his own son Absalom, whom he loves? Now, we will go on to see that the son rebels against the father, seeking to overthrow his kingdom, and in the end must die for the salvation of the nation. Now, I could say that this is God and us all, but really it is God and the rebellious. For He loves even those whom He must destroy. I would even say that this is the best story to describe the Father and the fallen angel, Lucifer. Yes, it is the same.

So when we ask "why would God do such a thing? His sin was not that bad," let us remember Absalom, and how David loved him.

1, 2, 3...

I guess that this is the time for me to put down the foundation of the logic that I'm working off of. So, if you've ever wondered "how in the world did she come up with that!" while reading my posts, this should help to understand my scatterbrain thoughts.

1. Assume God the Father exists

Nowhere in here am I questioning if God is real or not, and by that I mean whether or not He is tangible, taking up space, existing. That's not what I want to know. And, I am working under the idea that God is our Father, we His children. There is a beautiful example of this in 1Ne.11:17. The angel asks Nephi if he knew what the condescension of God meant. Nephi responds with this: "I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things." Now, how much Nephi knew about the Son of God being born in a manger, I don't know. But Nephi worked with this logic: God is real. God is my Father. Fathers love their children. God loves me. And from that Nephi can have faith. He doesn't need to know everything. Because he knows that whatever God does, He does it because He loves His children.

So what does this mean for me? I'm asking a lot of questions when I read the scriptures. I have a right to that. And God has taught that that is how revelation comes. But, when I'm studying it out in my heart and in my mind, I reject all those explanations that would contradict that one solid thing that I know about God: that He loves me. This narrows down my searching. It adds a correct lens of perspective. It is the only thing I know without a shadow of a doubt to be true.

2. Question to Find an Answer

So many people have so many questions when it comes to God and His interactions, or lack of, with humankind. But, few actually, actively seek after the answer. And, that maybe because many doubt that there is an answer. God wants us to ask questions, it shows that we're interested, that we care, it is the way to revelation. But, asking questions in with doubt leads nowhere. Doubt that there are no answers, or, doubt that God will give us the answers. These are questions asked in vain, and usually do not lead to the searching that God requires of us.

A great place to get answers is to go to the source: God. Like Joseph Smith, when we see or fail to see God's hand, and we have questions about His actions, it is best to ask Him. Otherwise, it's like asking your best friend why your mom put you on time out. You can come up with some great guesses, and some of them might be right, or you could just ask your mom. There are also a great many questions that come from the scriptures. Then, the scriptures also have a high chance of also holding the answers. God provided a text book, a manuel. And the test is open book.

3. Perfect Faith

"Perfect faith" is a funny term. Faith means having an imperfect knowledge or understanding, yet going forward anyways. Don't doubt your own faith. Faith is an acknowledgment that we are in an imperfect situation. Alma 32 is a great chapter, but unfortunately, too many of us stop reading around verse 28, you know, about planting the seed and letting it grow? After that Alma goes on to explain that this experiment of faith only means that you can know if something is good or not. If it real or not. "And now, behold, is your knowledge perfect? Yea, your knowledge is perfect in that thing." (Alma 32:34)So, let's use me as an example. I know that God exists. I have a perfect knowledge that He is real. Do I know Him like I know myself? Do I know how He thinks? No. That's what this blog is for. Perfect knowledge about everything is impossible to get all at once, or even in this lifetime. And that's why Alma answers his own question with "Nay; neither must ye lay aside your faith." (32:36) We have knoweldge about somethings. We still, like the prophet Nephi, don't know many things. But, we do know that it is good, and that it is real, and that it can change our lives.

To end, I guess I would just ask the question again: What is it that we want from God? Or do we want anything? Do we just want to know Him? Do we want to satisfy that human need to know that they are not alone, physically or emotionally? That, in fact, someone cares? And, are we brave enough to love, to care, back?

Check these out:

CES Devotional, David A. Bednar, "That We Might 'Not...Shrink'" 2013

BYU Devotional, Jeffery R. Holland, "Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence," 1999

Why Do We Serve the Lord?

"But now he is dead, wherefore should I fast? can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he shall not return unto me." (2Sam.12:23)

Now, I'm going to talk about death. But, we have to make an agreement. We have to think of death as an existential comma, not a period, in the sentence of our eternal life. It is the movement of going from here to there, of going home. So when I talk about death, I'm talking about going home to our Father.

I'm not going to ignore the obvious question that this chapter screams at us: why did the baby have to die? We could come up with all sorts of reasons. Maybe God was saving it from having to live the life as David's only bastard son. Maybe God didn't kill the baby, He just didn't save it from its natural death. Maybe God spared the mortal life, bringing the child home early, because the Father didn't think David deserved such a child. Maybe He was teaching David a lesson. Then there's the next question: why was the baby punished because of David's sin? And I would ask you, was the baby punished?

While we are not responsible for Adam's, or David's, or any father's sin, we are exposed to the consequences, just as we are to anyone's choices. From Adam we have the consequence of mortality, from genes we could have a physical or mental disorder, from a father's low education we could have a low education. These are our trials. But, it is not a punishment. As is mentioned numerous times in the Book of Mormon any consequences from the sins of the fathers are are returned upon them. This means that any sin that the children commit because of the traditions and conditions they inherited from their parents they will not suffer the punishment for, but their fathers will be punished for it.

In the end, David and Bathsheba have another child, Solomon, whom the Lord loved. The Lord did not hate David or Bathsheba. And the chapter ends with another military victory for David. Now, why did the Lord not abandon David like He did Saul and others? The difference? David humbled himself before the Lord. He did not curse the Lord, he fasted. And he will spend the rest of his life seeking redemption. From David's example, we have to ask ourselves the same question. What if we made a mistake, did wrong, and therefore forfeited our blessings? Would we still love God, would we keep His commandments, would we seek after Him if there was nothing in it for us? Is our religion about prizes, or is it simply a story about a Father and His child?

Why, David?

"And the woman conceived, and sent and told David" (2Sam.11:5)

I've heard many people say that David's first mistake was that he wasn't were he was supposed to be (see 2Sam.11:1). Maybe they have a point. But then, we could say that mistake #2 was that he watched a woman bathing, mistake #3 that he asked about her, mistake #4 that even after hearing that she had a husband he sent for her. It's true, all of those were things that he shouldn't have done. But, if he had stopped at #4, then there would be no story. No, being at the wrong place, or lusting after, was his moment of downfall. It was the moment he slept with her. He could have turned back at anytime until that moment.

Making mistakes, being in the wrong places, don't help us. But they also are not the reason for our sins. We could simply have not done it. David could have stopped. But he didn't.

(Otherwise we get into the false argument that if something bad happens to a person they deserve it, because they had already been making some questionable choices.)

Yes, David's adultery was bad. But that decision leads to more troubling choices. After he does the nasty with Bath-sheba, David sends her home with hardly a good-bye. He intended to never see her again, just that one night of passion. And, when he hears that she is pregnant, he sends for Uriah and tries to get him to sleep with his wife. But poor Uriah! Out of honor he refuses to go enjoy home while Israel still fights. David even gets him drunk, but it won't work. Then, and this is unbelievable, David sends Uriah back unknowingly carrying the letter to Joab that holds his own death sentence. Even Joab thinks its pretty low. Lies and trickery, manipulation and unrighteous use of power.

Where did our David go? Where is the David whom God loved?

That's a good question. And, especially from our viewpoint, we can't really say. Maybe it was those series of bad decisions. Maybe war had changed him. Maybe kingly power had changed him. Maybe he was having a crisis of faith. We can't say. We can only say what David did. We can't judge.

But this, of course, is the set up. The real story is just starting. And I mean the story of David's search for redemption. Up until this moment, he has been the golden child, always favored of God, living an above-the-rules kind of life and not just getting away with it, but being rewarded for it. That lovable jock in high school that you knew was a great guy but deep down always kind of wished that he'd break a leg before the big game. We all make mistakes. We all need to be saved. Even David.